Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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