It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
