His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
