k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
