I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
