then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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