That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
