yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
