Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
