I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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