Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
