Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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