She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
