oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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