I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
