If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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