I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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