I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
