Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
