That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
