Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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