dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
