If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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