So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
