You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
