so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
