Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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