so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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