i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
