Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
