I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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