his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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