There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
