we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Panties = found
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
