I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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