mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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