Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
