forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
