cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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