drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
