My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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