I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
