Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
