In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He passed out mid-signature
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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