id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
