1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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