My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
