No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
