I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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