Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
where are my eyebrows?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
